Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Stuck In The Moments...

I never envisaged this place and its people so dangerously and disturbingly( talking of now) entwined with my life! Cribbing all the time about the hopelessness of this place and my blunder in choosing it...I never realized how and when it came to this where biding adios takes so much effort...

I leave tomorrow…with the memories of the gone by 25 days clearly etched in my mind….

These days had been special for multiple reasons, I saw myself Ghising as never before! Catching a sleep  of maximum four hours a day, up at 4:30 AM in the morning without any dilly dallying followed by a most convenient , plausible and well deserved black out during the exam!

The sessions in library gave me more than just whatever meager grades I have managed to scrape. I have never meant it more than now when I say, some moments are too special to be shared…anywhere, in the diary  or even with myself….

I would never want to give them a clear expression of words even in my own mind, fearing that I might not do them justice and ruin their essence. And sometimes they start to appear so very melodramatic and sentimental when rationalized, precisely construed and explicitly expressed! I want them to remain just that, a blur of images, a conversation and the myriad of emotions experienced.

I reminisce and relive them over and over. If only they could be retained forever! But gradually they will fade away, leaving only a faint recollection in their wake.

There are times when I wish things were simple, all mathematics. Only one conclusion to be derived from a given set of conditions! All brains, no heart...( and that's a very Hindi filmy cliched line!)

I am unsure as to how the upcoming vacation will turn out for me…if my intern would be worth it and all. I am even more apprehensive as I try to conjure up how will it be when I return back to college. So many of those who had become a integral part of my life would no longer be there and what changes it will bring in the rest is again something I have no idea about.

But, things will change in any case. Typically, I do not want them to even when I know they should…It will be for the better perhaps, even if I can't see anything remotely positive about it right now….

You never want to shatter your world of illusion do you? When it is what you want the reality to be like...